Recently I embarked on Project Chopsticks, in which I attempted to use chopsticks whenever possible until I mastered it. My original aim was to do it until I could “Miyagi” a fly (Karate Kid reference for all those born after 1985)........but I’d settle for being able to eat a spoonful of rice in less than one hour.I figured that since over a billion people faithfully use chopsticks, while thumbing their nose at the likes of forks, spoons, and “sporks” (ok, we’re all on the same page on that one), it was good enough for me.
So I decided to expand my cultural horizons and give chopsticks a chance. You can imagine the awkward looks I would get from coworkers as I clumsily ate my chicken nuggets, french fries, and salad.....but I would not be deterred.
My initial observations
- They say typing on a keyboard excessively can lead to carpal tunnel.......but obviously none of those people have ever used chopsticks. I got hand cramps.......hand cramps (is that even possible?) from using chopsticks after one day.
- Using chopsticks is a great idea.......if you want your food to taste like......wood. Let me save you some time, if you want to know whether eating with chopsticks is for you.....put a stick in your mouth and suck on it for a little while. If you find that tasty, buy chopsticks in bulk.
- Chopsticks aren’t very versatile. Got a hankering for soup......no soup for you. Steaming plate of “mac n’ cheese,” no can do....the cheese sauce acts like a lubricant making those noodles some slippery little suckers.
By the time I got to day 5 or 6, I wanted to shove the chopsticks in my eyes to end my misery.
Next time you have 2 sticks in your hand.....don’t eat with them, use them to make a fire from scratch, cook something,...........and eat it with a fork.
