At the beginning we’re introduced to some bad-ass dudes. We know their “bad-ass” because:
- they smoke (they won’t blink an eye at breaking your tiny bones.....for Pete’s sakes, they’re so bad, they slowly kill.....themselves)
- they hang out in a pool hall (obviously metaphorical for their propensity to “bust your balls”)
- they don’t talk (words are for wussies, the stoic stare is a badass’ most powerful weapon)
- they know how to treat their women (romance isn’t in cheesy paperback novels......it’s in the WWF)
Jackson, on the other hand, is in his bed, resting up for what is sure to be a beat down later of the aforementioned bad-asses. They’ve obviously got it coming.
He dons an awesome red jacket (this guy doesn’t want to blend in a crowd), which is of course metaphorical for the red cape of Superman. This is going to be awesome.
He does some warm-up dancing to give him a good stretch, flexes a little, and then some heavy breathing (maybe checking his breath?). Major beat down to come soon.
Then we find the gangs in an abandoned warehouse.
This isn’t West Side Story boys and girls.
The leaders tie one of their arms to each other....and in the other free hand.......knives. Knives people......this is hardcore.
The fighting style is a little unconventional.......maybe it’s some sort of Caribbean kung-fu that’s very rhythmic........but at first glance it certainly doesn’t seem very bad-ass. I’m starting to think that there may not be any fighting at all.
But wait.....here comes the red caped crusader......Action Jackson.
Is he going to go Neo on these boys........is he going to leave anyone alive?
I’m waiting with baited breath......beat down eminent.....this is what we’ve been waiting for.
Hold up.....is he dancing.......is this some sort of decoy........why is he grabbing his crouch so much....there must be a gun in there right?
Oh I see.......mesmerize them with your sweet moves....and then bring the beat down when they least expect it.....the art of surprise.....perfect.
Suddenly, all the bad-asses can’t contain themselves anymore.....they’re compelled.......MUST.....DANCE....NOW!
They unanimously decide why fight when you can dance in synchronization. The world needs more dancing.....we can fight later.
WHAT?
I’m starting to think there isn’t going to be a beat-down after all....maybe it will redeem itself with a dance-off.
Wait......this IS West Side Story.
Crap!
What do you think?
Obama seems to be a good dancer....maybe this should be the new training manual for foreign policy.
I feel some “Just Beat It” (Iran edition) coming soon.
